I'm really hating this semester at school. Maybe it was because last semester was solid.
Not sure.

I work to not care what others think.
But not for the right reason.
I have to.
To stay sane.

I know what I need to do.
But not how to go about doing it.
Or how to find the energy.

Maybe I should just give up sleep.

There's an applicable quote here:
"Guys are friends until something makes them enemies. Girls are enemies until something makes them friends."

It just seems like negative vibes permeate the air, you know? Is it the harsh weather?

I leave for Houston in an hour. Supposed to be 65+ degrees. I'm already happier.

You. You. Are. Awesome.

-Diz

I never played Pokemon as a kid.

Not only did I never play Pokemon, I did everything with Pokemon you weren't supposed to do with Pokemon. I liked the TV show. I had a bunch of cards. Say something like that now-a-days and that's grounds for a verbal beat down.
I'm giving the game my first run though. Playing Leaf Green version now. All the cleverly named inanimate objects are now at my disposal; they do my bidding, "blacking out" in the name of of some punk kid named "Hoe Bag" and his nemesis "Calorie". I will be the master. I will prevail.

Connecting with my past brings back some cool memories of other games.

• I bought "Apples to Apples" at Walmart the other day. It's the classic party game.


• My tub of legos at home is being used to build Peach's castle. It'll be an ongoing project.


• The N64 is used daily. It's a must.


• I've never really lost touch with my coloring. Far from an artist, I still get massive amounts of joy.


• Stretch Armstrong was the shit. His dog failed though.

All of these things connect me to a simpler time and place. They're an out. I recently had a very stimulating talk with a good friend on the merits of smoking pot. She opened my eyes to the idea that it too is an out; a way to lower social barriers and speak freely. I can't help but smile at this idea.
Of course, things would be exponentially easier if people would just allow themselves to speak their mind, but to do so would seem weak, and, perhaps more importantly, could come back to bite you in the ass. See my summary a few posts back on the society's rules of social engagements.

Weed, alcohol, and chocolate are certainly three of the more popular outs people employ. I've got a few special to myself I'd like to share:

• Childhood toys/places, as mentioned above


• Late night drives


• Late night walks
• 
  
• The movie Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


• My "Somber Music" playlist


• Serious 1 on 1 time with a friend


• Lighting a collection of small trinkets on fire, imagining they are my problems and seeing them burn away


• Meditation, as described in the video a few posts back


• Religion, including praying and just being there

Quite a few, right? What can I say, I'm easily distracted.

New segment: Stereotypes

Some would dare to call me weird. I think this is because I give the wrong first impression most times. One of the reasons I was hesitant to join a fraternity is because I didn't want to be thought of as a douchey fratter.

Others in the fraternity are finally understanding that's not who I am, and most love it. I own no Ralf Lauren, Ambercrombie, or A.E. 95% of the clothes I own come from Kohls and to me it's all the same. I'm playing Pokemon. I have this plan for shortly after I turn 21 going to the hawk and bring my gameboy to play Pokemon there. I think it'd be hilarious. 10 more months until that. I joined because I was working on House I.T. I technically never got a bid. I just joined on my own accord. I sleep with a stuffed animal. I hate talk of getting black out drunk or porking the best looking girl. I don't have a fake ID. I've never even been to a bar!
I refuse to let a stereotype dictate my behavior. I think people respect me for that.

The other major stereotype I have to dispel is the rich, snotty Johnson County kid one. All things considered, my youth should have ended up completely different. KU is my first public school, which sounds absurdly spoiled, I realize. However, my dad works for the church I went to school at, resulting in free tuition for me and my siblings and discounted high school. My father is also a craftman, meaning all house renovations we've made were done by us. I've been working since I was 12, reffing soccer at first, then moving on to that and working childcare at an athletic club (illegally) at 15. This is great, because I still hold on to my free club membership from working there. I work full time in the summers. KU was the first real financial burden I faced, and I needed to pay for it by myself. This was made easier by my getting a $10,000 scholarship, on top of a few freshman year engineering scholarships. Even still, I couldn't/can't afford a car. This last year, I accepted the fact I'd need to owe someone money, so I took out a couple thousand dollars in loans. I just tell myself that if I'd have gone to my dream school, Notre Dame, I'd be paying out the ass now.
I know financial hardship. But I refuse to let it get in the way of my happiness. I've been taught one of the most valuable lessons: the value of a dollar. I'll stretch it for what it's worth.

Scatterbrained as always. I'm home in Lenexa now. It's an out. Lawrence was getting on my nerves. I think I'm getting things moving in the right direction now.

You. Are. Awesome.
-/Dizzler

Forgot I had this! Over break the fam and I watched home videos and this brought about a bunch of laughs. I made this video 4 years ago, sophomore year of high school, to explain my meditation techniques. I've moved to more outdoor settings, but the basic set up is similar.

Launch in external player

I'm also going to go through my favorite CDs. I was thinking this could be a recap of the decade of my favorite CDs, or at least of 2009, but that's such a tough job these are my CDs of the moment, based on genre.

Drum and Bass:
Pendulum - In Silico
Seriously, if there was one CD I could listen to for the rest of my life, this is it.  Never before have I heard a more perfect mash up of rock infused with drum and bass.  Only Pendulum could come up something like this.  Amazing.

Alternative:
Blue October - Foiled
No homo.  This CD has some of my favorite chill songs.  With classics like X Amount of Words, Hate Me, and Into the Ocean, it's a winner.

Psychedelic:
STS9 - Artifact
The good shit.  Back in the day.

Post Modern:
Explosions in the Sky - The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place
First Breath After a Coma/Your Hand in Mine.  Absolute genius.

Rap:
Gorilla Zoe - Don't Feed Da Animals
Still not a huge fan of music in this category, but this is my favorite.

Hip Hop:
Lupe Fiasco - Food & Liquor
Amazing CD and not your typical rap shit.  This was the CD that put me on that path.

Latin-ish:
Rodrigo Y Gabriela - 11:11
This husband-wife pair absolutely shred on the guitar.  Makes for awesome background music.  No vocals either.

Female Vocalist:
The Birthday Massacre - Walking with Strangers
It took me awhile to get into female vocals, but The Birthday Massacre helped me along the way.  It all started with me looking for an atypical birthday song.  A few albums later, Goodnight is a fantastic song.

Whiney:
Something Corporate - Leaving Though the Window
Again, no homo.  There's something about these guys that have stood the test of time for me.  They're my go to band when I'm feeling depressed.  Brings back good memories.

Like my tastes?
I highly encourage you to check out my Pandora stations.  I've got like 15.
Here's the link.

You've been a great audience.
Hope I delivered on the fun I promised awhile back.  Things have been kind of wonky lately.  Hoping that turns around.

-Dizzy